News from Jules | 02.14.2022 | Finding the Ones

Last Monday I sluggishly walked in the front door from a long, disheartening call with my doctor. My ultrasound from the prior week was inconclusive, so instead of proceeding with an IUI the next day right as my body was ready, we needed to skip this cycle. And start over next month. Maybe.

Apparently “inconclusive” means there are issues with my ovaries on the spectrum from everything is fine to I’ve run out of time.

All I wanted was a hug.

But, the friends that I am housesitting for left the country a couple of weeks ago. So, there I was in the house all by myself. Needing reassurance, comfort and love. Momentarily feeling the heavy weight of needs that can’t be met.

Or can they?

As I slowed my breathing and replayed the conversation with my doctor in my head, I heard her reassuring words again: This got complicated. But it’s okay. We’ve got a simple plan now. I’ll put in the new ultrasound order tomorrow. We’ll reset and keep moving forward.

I felt heard. I am connected.

When I was deleting the IUI from my calendar, I saw a 7 a.m. appointment the next day. And I immediately knew I’d feel more relief. Like always, that next morning, when my head was nestled up next to my dental hygientist’s tummy, it brought comfort even though there was a high-pitched scraping sound filling my ears.

I felt held. I am known.

Finally the hug. As soon as I pulled up to my former-therapist-turned-friend’s house in Bend last weekend, she came out with arms outstretched. We immediately walked to her favorite coffee shop where she treated me to green tea and her undivided attention (and later sent me home with one of their mugs as a souvenir). Her affirming words resounded later that evening while I lay in the Epsom Salt bath she drew for me: “You’ve grown so much. You have so much wisdom.” She spoke every one of the five love languages.

I felt seen. I am at ease.

Here was the reassurance, comfort and love that I needed. When I needed it.

Oh right, the universe will provide.

A reminder I especially need as I navigate these challenging things on my own. Things that only I can navigate. Even if I had a partner. Or every one of my best friends happened to be available when I called.

No matter what’s happening—like the many questions I am living right now somewhat patiently—we are the only ones experiencing our body, our mind, our self, from the inside.

So first, we need to listen, embrace, and notice our needs, as well as what’s being provided.

This is how we stay true to the only “One”—our soul. 

And how we find the ones: our sponsors and our fans. And our pit crew—those who have the capacity, the skills, and the attention to offer, right now. To be in the thick of it with us.

When I am fully present.

When I open myself up.

When I show up with my whole self.

When I am “the One” with everyone.

There is always some one.

May you find the ones you need this week.

Love,

Jules